Humorous Captions | FUN!
Lords & Ladies, try your hand at penning your own gay or bawdy
joke in the caption boxes below
or add more images & captions
in the spaces provided. |
| | Caption:
ANNE: "Serious? Of course I'm serious, I'm always deadly serious when I wear this hat."
Sumitted by: Boudica |
Caption:If you tell me one more time that I am a homewrecker, I'll cut you a new one!
Submitted by: weasetta |
Caption: Don't you dare say I'm not useful anymore. I give my all to make him need me in every way. Tonight at dinner these fine embroidered napkins on my head will
be used to wipe the gravy from his amazed face. I never cease thinking of ways to captivate his attention!
Submitted by: MissAlexSays |
Caption: Exactly what part of "my rank is higher than yours" don't you understand?
Submitted by: offwithherhead |
Caption: "You're on, dad. I haven't lost a staring contest yet. I've made greater men cry with my fearful gaze."
Submitted by: queen_elizabeth_1533 | Caption: "BITCH THAT'S THE ROYAL BITCH QUEEN
ANNE BOLEYN TO YOU!"
Submitted: ClumsyXheart
|
Caption:
ANNE: Grounded? GROUNDED?! You can't ground me! I'm the Queen of England!
PAPA BOLEYN: Do you want me to take you over my knee, young lady?
ANNE: Do you want to lose your head, old man?
Submitted by: Holly2 | COMMENT: Holly2 this is the best one!
Love it!
BY:FMFJRMGRL
_________________________________________________
ANNE: What do you mean this hat looks stupid? Why this is
the very same hat that the Pope was sending to make
that old man a cardinal! I just went 'Project Runaway' on
it's ass and grilled it out! Gansta!
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| | Caption: "I'm thinking of a number between 1 and 1 million. If you guess correct you can touch her."
Submitted by: Boudica |
Caption: In case you didn't know, she has a horrible case of the crabs.
Submitted by: Weasetta |
Caption: ANNE: "You've been a naughty Boy Henry GO
TO MYBED NOW!"
Henry: "Y-Y-Yes sweetheart"
Jane: Queen Anne do you need Handcuffs?
Submitted by: ClumsyXheart
|
Caption: Pull my finger!
Submitted by: Desiderata |
Caption: Is she looking at me?....does she look "ticked"?.....well then, my work here is done!
Submitted by: offwithherhead |
Caption: "That loser is staring at you again. Do you want to tell her off, or me?"
Submitted by: queen_elizabeth_1533 |
Caption:
ANNE: Psst., Henry! Lady Eleanor totally has the hots for you. If you want to... you know, you go right ahead. I don't mind, honest. You're a man with needs after all.
HENRY: *uncomfortably* Uh... I could never do that, sweetheart. How could I look at another woman when I have you, my love?
ANNE (thinking): Reverse psychology really does work. Must remember this trick when Elizabeth hits the terrible twos.
Submitted by: Holly2 | |
 | Caption:
HENRY: "Urge to annul marriage, raising!"
BRERETON: "Urge to kill, raising!"
ANNE: "Urge to rip Henry a new one if he makes eyes at Seymour again, raising"
Submitted by: Boudica |
Caption: Henry:Oh Anne I.........MMMMMMMM COOKIES!!
Anne: Lord help me I married a child Just look ahead
Submitted by: ClumsyxHeart
|
Caption:
Anne: If I'm lucky, maybe that headache he has will kill him and I will be The new ruler of England.
Henry: Anne has the worst case of halitosis I've ever smelled.
Submitted by: Weasetta |
Caption: Henry: (Bemused to himself)
She holds her head so high every time she is on my arm that she always steps in the horse manure. Heh heh.
I'll tell her politely later to clean her shoes. Maybe I shouldn't..
Anne: I think I'll will make a great impression with the Ambassador with my knowledge of... Henry? What is that god awful smell?!
Submitted by: MissAlexsays |
Caption: Henry is having difficulty deciding what is more irritating....Anne's endless badgering or his new codpiece.
Submitted by: offwithherhead |
Caption: "Maybe if I close my eyes and think really hard, I can imagine myself playing tennis instead of having to attend this boring ceremonies. Yes, one point for me!"
Submitted by: queen_elizabeth_1533 |
Caption: It took months of trial and error but Anne eventually figured out the right combination of drugs to keep Henry quiet, happy and completely under control.
ANNE (thinking): And now that Henry's had his walkies so that everybody can see that their King is alive and well, I can turn him over to George and Norris for feeding while Cromwell and I get to work. We really do make quite a team when it comes to running the country. Thank God he gave me a head's up about the whole "adultery" investigation. This'll teach Henry not to even think about chopping my head off!
Submitted by: Holly2
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Anne: I never thought that being Queen would bore me so. I guess it is time to start acting bad.
Henry: Damn, I wish she would act a little more saucy. I need some conflict in my life, or being the drama queen that I am, I won't be happy.
Submitted by: Darrrrksunshine | |
 | Caption: Some people sleep with a nightlight or a favorite blankie; Henry VIII slept with a member of his specially monogramed ninja asassins to protect him from the boogeyman.
Submitted by: Boudica |
Caption: Henry awakens from a fitful sleep in a cold sweat, and realizes, "My God, I forgot to execute my daily quota of 5....you there, boy...tomorrow,execute 10".
Submitted by: offwithherhead |
Caption: "Wow, that was an amazing shot! I got it right in the bullseye that time! Quick, give me the last dart, while I'm still lucky."
Submitted by: queen_elizabeth_1533 |
Caption: Whoa relax! They always weep when they leave my chamber.
Submitted by: Princess Candy (candycane744) |
Caption: "OMG I JUST HAD A NIGHTMARE THAT I HAD
SEX WITH CHARLES BRANDON!"
Submitted by: Clumsyxheart | Caption: Oh quickly "Master of my Tool" stop staring, and get me my special towel!
Damn it I said stop staring at the stain on the wall! (Henry he thinks to himself-wow, that one went really far). You fool, clean up my "tool" quickly before Anne sees it!
Yes, and the wall too! Yes, I know its great how far it is...I'm the King after all!
Then he says to his master of tool:
I just had this fantastic hot dream of another new wife...
Submitted by: FMFJRMGRL
Caption: --WARNING: Shameless Ripping-Off of Own Fan Scripts--
HENRY: Aggh! Not you again! Go away!!!
SERVANT: Your Majesty? There’s... there’s nobody there.
HENRY: She’s right there and she’s got a weapon! Protect me!
SERVANT: But...
ANNE (offscreen): He can’t see me. Ghost, remember? Now send your friend away so that you and I can... chat.
Submitted by: Holly2 | |
| | Caption:
ANNE: "Welcome back, Mary. Sorry about being illegitamized, meet your new sister Princess Elizabeth."
MARY: "I suppose saying 'But I wanted a pony' would be too cliche?"
Submitted by: Boudica |
Caption: Now than I am all grown up, please tell me that I don't have to sit at the childrens table anymore.
Submitted by: offwithherhead |
Caption: "You're lucky you pissed me off now, because
when I become queen I'm gonna kill everyone who pisses
me off"
Submitted by: ClumsyxHeart
|
Caption: "MY hat is ugly? Have you seen the abomination balancing on your head, 'Mother' ? You're obviously still living in the 1520s."
Submitted by: queen_elizabeth_1533 |
Caption:
ANNE: ...so you see, it was never my intention to break up your family but I fell in love and the heart... well, the heart wants what it wants. When you're older, you'll understand.
MARY: You really think that you can justify luring my father away from his marriage?
ANNE: Your... your father?! Why on Earth would you think that I would want anything to do with him?! Your mother and I are running away together, tonight.
MARY: Oh...
Submitted by: Holly2 |
Caption: MARY: Yes, I did just go there! *snaps finger*
Submitted by: LNor19 | |
| | Caption: Oh geez I wish I hadnt lifted up my arm, my monthly bath isn't till tomorrow. Phew ..feeling faint....feeling faint.....
Submitted by: MsSquirrly |
Caption: Come on Henry...this is exactly how Baby and Johnny did it in Dirty Dancing.
Submitted by: offwithherhead |
Caption: Anne will now be attempting the difficult one-handed cartwheel. Her spotter Henry looks on as she prepares for the feat."
Submitted by: queen_elizabeth_1533 |
Caption: Gosh, I thought for sure this deoderant would have made me smell better!
Submitted by: Sonya51304 |
Caption: *Anne thinking* Gosh I want this stupid dance to
end so I can bang him mercilessly DIRTY THOUGHTS
DIRTY THOUGHTS!
Submitted by: Clumsyxheart
|
Caption: Some people walk in their sleep. Some people talk in their sleep. Anne was the only person Henry ever met who could dance the volta in her sleep...
...and the worst part was that she could still dance rings around him.
Submitted by: Holly2
comment: Another good one Holly2!
submitted by FMFJRMGRL | |
| | Caption: "Yes, I realize English food is sometimes hard on visitor's stomachs. You can use my special stool over there, sir. It's between the two pictures of me looking handsome. Feel free to stop and admire them, as I do."
Submitted by: queen_elizabeth_1533 |
Caption: In honor of your visit we have installed a special mirror for you to shave by. It is more than adequate to reflect that massive chin of yours.
Submitted by: offwithherhead
comment: This is so funny!
submitted by FMFJRMGRL |
Caption: Yes, I agree this outfit looks rather silly on me, please, let's go to the royal closet and choose another one.
Submitted by: LeslieMu |
Caption: "And this is the Gallery Notice they are all
paintings of me!"
Submitted by: ClumsyXHeart |
Caption:
HENRY: And just down the corridor, we have my new private brothel. It's so much more convenient to have the whores in the palace. It's saving me a lot of travel time. I don't usually like to share but since you're family, if you fancy a quickie, day or night, please feel free to pop down.
EMPEROR (thinking): Wow, there's nothing inappropriate about including this in a tour for a visiting fellow monarch. Does Auntie Kate know about this?!
Submitted by: Holly2 | |
| | Caption: "Excuse me? This dress makes me look what? YOU try looking skinny in the petticoat I'm wearing!"
Submitted by: queen_elizabeth_1533 |
Caption: You called me "WHAT", you little girlie man?!
Submitted by: Desiderata |
Caption: Now Honey, how many times do I have to tell you not to fart in the castle. It makes me look bad!
Submitted by: Sonya51304 |
Caption: "Don't you give me that tone young man I will
spank you faster than the bloody axe falls"
Submitted by: Clumsyxheart
|
Caption: Oh no you didn't! What have you done for me lately?
Submitted by: Princess Candy (candycane744) |
Caption: You don't appreciate anything that I do...just what do you think I do all day? My hands are full with breaking up your marriage; changing Englands religion, and trying to give you a male heir. Would it kill you to say just once, "Good job, Anne"?
Submitted by: offwithherhead | |
| | Caption: Your majesty, please tell me that my dress is better than hers....God knows my jewellery is.
Submitted by: offwithherhead |
Caption:
Henry- "Is she still watching?"
Wolsey- "Yes."
Henry- "Good. Quick, let's start giggling and sneaking glances at her so she thinks we're making fun of her. Hee hee! She'll be soooo mad!"
Submitted by: queen_elizabeth_1533 |
Caption: Wolsey: Don't look now but somebody is looking this way. Hahem (clearing throat)
Henry: Oh god no.
Wolsey: Maybe my line about showing her true paradise appealed to her. Hmmmm.
Henry: You always did like sloppy seconds Wolsey old boy.
Submitted by: MissAlexSays |
Caption: "Oh yeah Henry she's bangable alright!"
Submitted by: ClumsyxHeart |
Caption: --WARNING: Shameless Ripping-Off of Own Fan Scripts--
--WARNING: Spoiler of Own Fan Script--
WOLSEY: Don't worry, Your Majesty, I can see her too.
HENRY: Thank God! I was starting to think that I was going mad. (looong pause while brain kicks in gear) Wait a minute... why can I see you?!?!?!
ANNE: Told you he was an idiot.
Submitted by: Holly2 | |
| | Caption: "Who's Linda and why is her name tatooed on Henry's shoulder with little hearts?"
Submitted by: queen_elizabeth_1533 |
Caption: I wonder how long I should lie here before kicking her slag ass out?
Submitted by: Princess Candy (candycane744) |
Caption: Henry: "*SIGH* I should have picked the other Boleyn girl!"
Submitted by: Boudica |
Caption: Lying there, basking in the afterglow of her interlude with Henry, Mary realizes, "Wow, I could have had a V8".
Submitted by: offwithherhead |
Caption: "Dude, I just realized this isn't the Other Boleyn
Girl!"
Submitted by: Clumsyxheart | Henry: Damn, I AM good looking!!! You're right, getting a mirror next to the bed was a good idea!!!
Submitted by: Darrrrksunshine
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comment: These are all good!
submitted by FMFJRMGRL |
| | Caption: At that part in my sermon, I'm going to raise my hands up just like this and say "Whoop, Whoop!"
Submitted by: MissAlexsays |
Caption: "You caught me. I was planning on taking your red hat. I just couldn't help it. It's so silly! I thought my kids would get a kick out of it!"
Submitted by: queen_elizabeth_1533 |
Caption: Don't tell me your problems....you're the one who told him he could marry again. You created this mess, and you can clean it up.
Submitted by: offwithherhead |
Caption:
MORE: ... and then I finish off the routine with "jazz hands" and wait for the applause. This is so cool! I can't wait to show Alice!
WOLSEY (thinking): Of all the ways that Anne could have won him over, I never expected it to be dancing lessons.
Submitted by: Holly2 |
Caption: "Vouge Strike a Pose"
Submitted by: ClumsyXHeart | Caption:
Thomas More: So I held up my hands like this to show the boob doctor how big I wanted to go.
Wolsey: Yes, I see....
More: You know, not Pamela Anderson big, that would be obscene. Something classy, you know, that says 'call girl earning her way through law school'.
Submitted by: Darrrrksunshine
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comment: These are great!
submitted by FMFJRMGRL |
| | Caption: Anne: "Oh Henry, I know you know better than to chew with your mouth open!"
Submitted by: AlyssaTudor |
Caption: Shhh! Its so much better when you don't talk.
Submitted by: Princess Candy (candycane744) |
Caption: Now keep your eyes closed....now imagine we are together....now imagine you are holding my naked body....now imagine we are making love. Can you picture it?......Good!!! Now imagine it for the next 7 years, because that is how long it will be before we will marry.
Submitted by: offwithherhead | Comment: this is the best one! ^^^^7 yrs!
submitted by FMFJRMGRL
Caption: "You are getting sleepy...veeeerrrrry sleepy. Now, listen to my voice as you fall deeper asleep, and obey my commands. When you wake up, you will be madly in love with me. You will do everything in your power to marry me, got it? Now, when I clap, wake up, and forget any of this ever happened."
Submitted by: queen_elizabeth_1533 |
Caption: Anne: "HUSH IF YOU'RE QUIET I'LL GIVE YOU
A LOLLYPOP!
Henry: Ooo Lollypoops
Submitted by: ClumsyxHeart | |
| | Caption:Everyone thinks I'm innocent, ha ha.
Submitted by:mundo |
Caption: Now all I have to do is convince Henry that Anne needs to go, and would I love to see that neck, that Henry was so fond of, be severed right about here. Of course I mean that only in a good way.
Submitted by: offwithherhead |
Caption: Jane: "Mirror, Mirror on the wall, Tell Me! Whose the sweetest of them all?!"
Magic Mirror: "Alas Jane Seymour listen well. Yes sweetness sometimes within you dwells. You are not the sweetest in the land
as currently PMS is at hand!"
Jane: "(insert your own curse word here)"
Submitted by: MissAlexSays |
Caption: "God, I have to start dating shorter men. My neck is aching with looking up at Henry all day!"
Submitted by: queen_elizabeth_1533 | Caption:
Jane: Bitch, you sooooo outta here
Submitted by: Darrrrksunshine
Caption: "Oh I strained my neck from flaunting"
Submitted by: Clumsyxheart
| |
| |
Caption:
"The hills are alive with the sound of music..."
**************************************************
"Oh father, I "burp" couldnt help it, "burp" I had too much wine for breakfast"
Submitted by: FMFJRMGRL |
Caption: Anne: *Sings* "AND IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII WILL
ALWAYS LOVE YOOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!"
Thomas: UM Anne are you okay?
Submitted By: ClumsyxHeart
|
Caption:
Thomas: Good grief daughter, do not sneeze now, your goods will come clean out of your bodice!!! You must save that little accident for the King! It took me 45 minutes to get you laced up that way and my fingers are chaffed!"
Submitted by: Darrrrksunshine
Caption:
Thomas: "You must always strive to keep the King's love, but do not give into his carnal desires until after you're married... or I am made a Duke...which ever comes first...Anne? Are you even listening to a word I am saying?"
Anne: "*gasp* Can't breathe...corset...constricting...air..."
Thomas "Well of course it's tight, you'd have no cleavage for the King to gawk at otherwise, DRIVE ON!"
Submitted by:Boudica |
Caption: Anne: Me Mo Ma Megh!
Thomas: My god you're flat and you sound like a toad.
Anne: At least I'm not flat where it counts. Ha!
Thomas: You have me there, but it's your teeth missing in back that is grossing me out. Puggh!
Submitted by: MissAlexSays |
Caption: Oh Dad, I don't know how much more I can take from Henry. Because I won't give myself fully to him, he says that he has to distract himself when he gets aroused....so the other day he just broke out in song and at the top of his lungs he began to sing, "I'm Henry the 8th I am; Henry the 8th I am I am......UURRGGHHH!!!
Submitted by: offwithherhead |
Caption:
Anne- "God, all of this flirtation with Henry is making me hungry. Hey driver! Driver! Pull up to to that inn over there! I'm starving!"
Thomas- "Anne, we just stopped ten minutes ago. Besides, you're going to get fat with all this eating and Henry won't love you anymore and then where will we be?"
Submitted by: queen_elizabeth_1533 |
Caption: One of the little known facts about Anne Boleyn was that she was actually a many times great-granddaughter of Cassandra of Troy...
ANNE: Oh my God! I've just had a vision, Papa! I was the Queen but then they told these horrible lies about me and I was arrested and then they sentenced me to death and I think they're going to cut my head off!!!
PAPA BOLEYN: I see. (pause) Did you happen to see if I kept my earldom?
ANNE: I think so.
PAPA BOLEYN: Thank God!... I mean, you should really know better than to pay attention to those silly daydreams, sweetheart, you know it's just your imagination playing tricks on you...
Submitted by: Holly2 | |
| | Caption: Bishop - "There's few things I love more on a crisp winter morn than a book burning...makes the marshmallows taste extra toasty!"
Submitted by: Boudica |
Caption: Anyone have a good campfire story....or at least a good burning-at-the-stake story?
Submitted by: offwithherhead | Caption: Funny books burning smells a lot like traitors burning. I guess it is the leather binding.
Submitted by: Darrrrksunshine
Caption: Everything seemed to be going well with the book burning until the officials realized that they were supposed to be burning the English Bibles, not the Latin ones. As a result, Protestantism was the only option.
Submitted by: queen_elizabeth_1533 |
Caption: Okay everyone, "Kum ba yah, my lord, kum baaa yaaahhh...."
Submitted by:Desiderata |
Caption: Just another episode of that hit Nickelodeon show Are You Afraid of The Dark?
Submitted by: Clumsyxheart
| |
| | Caption: You Spaniards know nothing of real fashion. An animal dies and you throw it over your shoulders....these hats with built-in ear muffs take real talent to create, not to mention a man comfortable in his sexuality to wear.
Submitted by: offwithherhead |
Caption: "Dont Mess with me I'm Thomas More Bitch
Henry's Most trusted servent!"
Submitted by: Clumsyxheart |
Caption: "Your hair Chapyus..its so...voluminous! You must wash it atleast once every month."
Submitted by: Boudica
Comment: Boudica I again copy catted a bit below. You are too funny! |
Caption: More: "So if I leave this on my head until tomorrow when the sun rises you say the perm will set?"
Chapyus: "If you are fortunate to receive several curls even I will congratulate you. But never never never will I tell you the secret to my spectacular grey highlights."
Submitted by: MissAlexSays |
Caption: "Trust me, Chapuys, I wouldn't go in there if I were you. His Majesty King Henry is playing pin-the-tail-on-the-donkey and he tends to get over-excited. Now, please excuse me while I tend to my wounds."
Submitted by: queen_elizabeth_1533 | |
| | Caption: Henry's reaction to being sent to bed without desert by Cardinal Wolsey.
Submitted by: Boudica |
Caption: Sadly for Henry, it was only after Anne's execution that he learned that she had taken a little pre-emptive vengeance by hiding the Crown Jewels, his extensive porn collection and, worst of all, his beloved teddy bear before her arrest...
HENRY: NOOOOOOOO! NOT SIR FUZZLES!!!!! WHY?!?!?!?
Submitted by: Holly2 |
* Boudica yours was so priceless I had to add one possible line after Wolsey sends him to bed without his pudding.
Caption: Henry: "I hate you! Did you hear me ?! I HATE you!
You better be listening to me! When I get out of this room I'm HAVING my pudding and I'm arresting you and the cook who told me to eat those disgusting lima beans.
Submitted by:MissAlexSays | Caption: When Jane Seymour consulted her Royal husband about whether or not to circumcise their newborn son, Edward.....Henry's response was clear..."NOOOOOOOOO!".
Submitted by: offwithherhead
Caption: To help soothe himself in this time of crisis Henry decided to pratice his singing:
IF I WAS INVISIBLE THEN I COULD JUST WATCH YOU IN YOUR ROOM!!!!!!!! *Windows start shattering*
Submitted by:ClumsyxHeart |
Caption: Unable to persuade the Pope to grant his annulment, King Henry takes drastic measures...
"I want my divorce now! NOW NOW NOW! Give me my divorce! I AM THE KING OF ENGLAND! WAHHHHHHH!"
Submitted by: queen_elizabeth_1533 | |
 | Caption:Henry Arises from his slumber to realize that Charles Brandon is trying to imitate the guy from the burger king commercials. The people around him realize he is unfortunately failed horribly.
Submitted by: Clumsyxheart
|
Caption: (Long caption, sorry)
*After his jousting accident, Henry wakes up... but in a parallel universe*
ALT. BRANDON: Thank the Goddess! You're alive - hopefully the Queen won't have been worried enough about you to make her miscarry!
HENRY: Some friend you are! Where's Jane? I want to see Jane...
ALT. BRANDON: Ssh! If Queen Anne thinks that you're screwing around with other women and wasting your seed, she'll have your head for it!
ALT. JOHN SEYMOUR (thinking): And then maybe with you dead, she might take a fancy to one of my boys - they'd sire the heir she needs, no problem.
ALT. BRANDON: You'd better be careful. You're already on thin ice after the last baby you sired was to weak to come to term and the Queen needs an heir. Pray that the baby's a girl, Henry.
HENRY: You mean a boy.
ALT. BRANDON: You've already given her a son - luckily for you, the Queen took that as a sign that you were at least able to give her healthy children and she adores Prince Edward but she's getting impatient with you.
HENRY: But if she gave me a son, I have an heir...
ALT. NORRIS: What's with this "I" business? How hard did you hit your head?
ALT. BRANDON: Everybody knows that men can't rule queendoms! They don't have the brains for it. Charles of Aragon failed to give her a daughter and look what happened to him - if his Aunt Katherine wasn't the Empress of Spain, he'd have gotten worse. You need to do better.
HENRY (whimpering): I don't like this dream! I want to wake up now!
ALT. QUEEN ANNE (offscreen): You're not dreaming, dear. Now what's this about "Jane"...
Submitted by: Holly2 | LOL at the one above! Fantastic!
Darrrrksunshine
Caption: After gorging himself on the entire swan pie, Henry collapses to the floor. His friend Charles Brandon was laughing and said to him, "Bet you don't think that eating is the best way to celebrate now, do you?".
Submitted by: offwithherhead |
Caption: "Guys, he's knocked out cold. Quick, anyone have make-up and a wig? Ha ha!"
Submitted by: queen_elizabeth_1533 | |
Edited by Clumsyxheart